Comments

I have commented on Alicia Lorenzo and Johnny Xmas's blog.

I Have a Great Friend!

Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend everyone has been telling me that I look great?  I am confused for the reason I didn’t change anything about my appearance.  I know that I feel a lot happier and I am not as stressed with him and me arguing all the time.  One of my best friends told me that I have this glow to me. 

My ex-boyfriend has been calling and texting.  He wants to get back together.  I feel like he is a completely different person from these past few weeks.  All the mean things he said to me and now he is saying everything opposite of it.  Last night he showed up at my work.  He asked if I was happy to see him.  I lied and said yes.  I wasn’t happy to see him at all.  I didn’t understand what he was doing there.  He asked what I was doing Saturday for Sweetest Day.  My ex was acting like when we first started dating.  The other girl that I was working with said that I had this very confused and disgusted face when talking to him. 

Is this a game to my ex boyfriend?  Whenever we fight he act completely nice when he feels he is going to lose me.  My good friend Matt has been giving me advice this whole time about my ex and my situation.  He knows about every fight or argument I have had with my ex.  Matt just told me to leave him alone he’s not going to change.  My friend told me that from his point of view that whenever my ex feels he has lost control over me he act super nice and charming towards me but, once he feels I’m comfortable again he tries to control me and becomes very jealous.  My friend Matt went through every part of my relationship with my ex and pointed out every single time my ex has used this routine over and over. 

I am so grateful to have Matt as my friend.  If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be so happy right now.  I am not thinking about everything I did wrong to not make the relationship not work.  I am thinking about moving forward.  I don’t want to spend sweetest day with my ex I don’t want to be with him anymore.  I am lucky that my friend Matt has made me realize that I and a great person and that I deserve better.                

It’s weird how people that use to make you so happy can lead to you hating them.

It’s weird how people that use to make you so happy can lead to you hating them.  I thought our relationship was worth it but, the fights only got worse.  Relationships are hard enough and adding the extra stress of work and being a secret really put a lot of pressure on us.  We both started to become insecure and resentful.  We are now at the point that we are not talking.  Every time I think about him I have two reactions.  My reaction is either very angry or very sad.  I am angry because of the guy he became.  I am sad because I lost a very good friend and miss how he used to be.  He probably feels the same about me.  

Today he told me that I am dead to him.  It hurt a lot.  It brought tears to my eyes when I read the text during Anatomy and Physiology this morning.  I don’t understand how something so great could become something so horrible.  We didn’t talk all weekend after our huge fight.  At first I had so much hate but then it felt good not to fight all the time.  I finally felt like I wasn’t walking on egg shells.  He had been putting me down and downgrading me so much lately that I forgot how it felt to feel good about myself.  I had gone to the gym and hung out with friends that I had not seen in a while.  The weekend seemed so great until he texted me last night while I was at work.  He tried to threaten me saying he was going to get me fired from work.  I feel like he just wanted a reaction out of me.  We had both agreed that if we broke up we both would act the same on Tuesdays at work.  Right away I acted like a child and decided to play the game with him.  We argued back and forth.  We both know that we didn’t want to get each other fired.  If we had told our manager about us our reputations would be ruined.  I have been there for almost two years now and I have been through a lot with the other staff members.

I decided to give up and let him win.  The arguing was taking so much energy from me.  It was only causing me to cry and become depressed.  He knows what to say to really hurt my feelings.  I wanted to go back to the first day of when I we met at Panera and had lunch together.  My gut told me to not accept the invitation knowing that it would lead to drama.  I sat in bed thinking about everything.  This situation really is dramatic and messed up.  I apologized to him and decided to put all the bad behind me.  I don’t want to fight.  I'm tired of feeling hate towards him .  I told him that I would always be there for him if he really needed it but we needed to move on and go our separate ways.  I just keep telling myself that things happen for a reason. 

My Sister

I didn’t understand why I have been unhappy lately.  I feel that I am accomplishing a lot with school, work, and finally finding an apartment.  I sat down and thought all day of why I just can’t seem to smile anymore.  I miss my sister.  She has been there for me when I was growing up.  People always used to ask if I was her daughter because she was always taking care of me.  I went to cheerleading practice, dance practice, school, grocery store, and even to work with her.  I remember more memories with her then I do with my own mom and dad.  She has been the one person I have looked up to my whole life.  My sister was not only a mother figure in my life, but also my best friend.  I remember when I would have a bad breakup with a boy and was crying, I would lay my head on her lap and she would run her fingers through my hair till I stopped crying. 

 I lived with my sister all throughout high school and even the past few months.  I had my own apartment for a year when she wanted me to move in with her to save money and go back to school.  I decided that it would be a good idea because I really need to be back in school.  I moved with her in April and I have been homeless now for the past month.  Her boyfriend and I got into it over Facebook.  It seriously wasn’t a big issue until he had put his hands on me.  I tried to talk to her, but she just told me that she doesn’t want to get involved.  It hurt my feelings for my sister not to be there for me anymore.  I can’t believe she decided to choose his side and allow him to treat me that way.  I miss my sister and I feel lost without her.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a good day.  I woke up early to go with my friend.  He took me to his gym to go to my first Jiu Jitsu class.  At first, I was very nervous and didn't know exactly what to expect.  I was the only girl in the morning class, but  the guys were all very welcoming and friendly.  The instructor gave me personal lessons along side the class.  I had learned three moves from the ground position called a Kimura, a Guillotine Choke, and a Kimura Sweep.  After I learned the three moves i watched the guys in the class sparr.  The sparring was intense.  I really liked the class a lot.  I think I am going to start training in Jiu Jitsu.   

Is Our Relationship Worth It?

My heart is making me see that everything is perfect, but there is one thing outside of our love that is causing problems. How do u love someone and know that at that moment no one can know the love you two share? We have to stay a secret in order to keep the rest of our lives in order.


We stay a secert for the reason we work together. To everyone at work we are just good friends. Its a little difficult to not show affection to him at work. I just want to be able to kiss him, hold his hand, be in his arms, and everything we do outside of work. When I'm dancing I tend to just stare at him. No one really knows who I'm looking at since im high on a dancing block. I can see him trying not to crack a smile back. We both have to keep the strength to not want to be all over each other. I also have to be careful not to talk about anything I did that day because he might have the same story.


I think our co-workers are starting to realize that him and I have a little more feelings then just friends for each other. We are being closely watched. It's even tougher now that we are on thin ice and about to fall in at any second. We cant help when our eyes lock and we get lost for a moment. Sometimes its hard to not smile and stare at him for a couple of moments. Its like I'm sitting in front of a banana split and I cant take a bite of the delicious ice cream with syrup, nuts, whip cream and cherries on top.


We can sit in traffic and not be angry or bored that we have been in the same place for over ten minutes. We sit in the car singing, dancing, and laughing till we are almost crying. Country, Hip-hop, House, Latin, and any type of music one can k of we are signing and dancing to. When we are together everything is so perfect. What we have is amazing and keeps us fighting for it regardless of the outside drama from work. I feel like I'm living two lives. At times when we fight I always ask myself, "Is our relationship worth it?" My answer is ALWAYS YES.

comments

I have left a response for Miss Martini and Patricia Byron.