It’s weird how people that use to make you so happy can lead to you hating them.

It’s weird how people that use to make you so happy can lead to you hating them.  I thought our relationship was worth it but, the fights only got worse.  Relationships are hard enough and adding the extra stress of work and being a secret really put a lot of pressure on us.  We both started to become insecure and resentful.  We are now at the point that we are not talking.  Every time I think about him I have two reactions.  My reaction is either very angry or very sad.  I am angry because of the guy he became.  I am sad because I lost a very good friend and miss how he used to be.  He probably feels the same about me.  

Today he told me that I am dead to him.  It hurt a lot.  It brought tears to my eyes when I read the text during Anatomy and Physiology this morning.  I don’t understand how something so great could become something so horrible.  We didn’t talk all weekend after our huge fight.  At first I had so much hate but then it felt good not to fight all the time.  I finally felt like I wasn’t walking on egg shells.  He had been putting me down and downgrading me so much lately that I forgot how it felt to feel good about myself.  I had gone to the gym and hung out with friends that I had not seen in a while.  The weekend seemed so great until he texted me last night while I was at work.  He tried to threaten me saying he was going to get me fired from work.  I feel like he just wanted a reaction out of me.  We had both agreed that if we broke up we both would act the same on Tuesdays at work.  Right away I acted like a child and decided to play the game with him.  We argued back and forth.  We both know that we didn’t want to get each other fired.  If we had told our manager about us our reputations would be ruined.  I have been there for almost two years now and I have been through a lot with the other staff members.

I decided to give up and let him win.  The arguing was taking so much energy from me.  It was only causing me to cry and become depressed.  He knows what to say to really hurt my feelings.  I wanted to go back to the first day of when I we met at Panera and had lunch together.  My gut told me to not accept the invitation knowing that it would lead to drama.  I sat in bed thinking about everything.  This situation really is dramatic and messed up.  I apologized to him and decided to put all the bad behind me.  I don’t want to fight.  I'm tired of feeling hate towards him .  I told him that I would always be there for him if he really needed it but we needed to move on and go our separate ways.  I just keep telling myself that things happen for a reason.