My Strength

It has been almost a year since he left me. We stood by eachothers side trying to keep the other strong with eveyrthing going on in our lives. Im mad that he took the easy way out and has left me to struggle on my own. Recieveing the phone call from the police department was the worse phone call I have ever recieved. I didn't know what to do. At first, I thought he was playing a joke on me since we got into an argument the night before. I started to feel out of breath. I scrolled down to his name in my phone book and it went straight to voicemail. I sat on my bed with tears forming in my eyes and feeling lost. I could feel that he wasn't here anymore.

On September 15th, the guy I was dating committed suicide. He always seemed so happy and was always giving the biggest bear hugs to everyone at work. Whenever someone mentions his name, that knew him, they remember his smile and his hugs the most. When he wrapped his hands around me I felt safe. He was there for everyone in every way possible. I feel horrible that we were not there for him on the day he took his life.

Guilt is what I felt for a long time afterwards, thinking that our fight was the reason he decided to leave this earth. I called his phone for days just to hear his voice again on his voicemail. I now know that I can't blame myself for his death. This event has made me realize that nothing in life can be so horrible that you leave everyone that loves you behind in hurt. He thought no one cared, but there were so many people there are the funeral that he didn't realize he had. I remind myself everyday that things will always get worse before they get better and to just stay strong. I owe it to him that I have stayed so strong this past year with everything that has tried to bring me down. He may be gone physically, but I keep what he has taught me with me all the time.  In the end I realized he didn't leave me, because I still have him in my heart to help me reach for my goals not letting anything get in my way.

Jerry Anthony Werchman
Aug. 7, 1978 - Sept. 15, 2009